How do you feel after a fair fight? Closer, safer, stronger, freer …
Yesterday, I mentioned the idea of anger without hostility. Fair fighting promotes the expression of anger without antagonism. When you approach your own anger and the anger of others with interest and respectful attention, anger turns conflict into fertile ground for partnership.
A Course in Miracles tells us,
There is a deep responsibility you owe yourself, and one you must learn to remember all the time. The lesson may seem hard at first, but you will learn to love it when you realize that it is true and is but a tribute to your power. …
To hold your magnitude in perfect awareness in a world of littleness is a task the little cannot undertake. Yet it is asked of you, in tribute to your magnitude and not your littleness. Nor is it asked of you alone.
Then Jesus reminds us that he has asked earlier in the Text,
“Would you be hostage to the ego or host to God?” Let this question be asked you by the Holy Spirit every time you make a decision. For every decision you make does answer this, and invites sorrow or joy accordingly.
If you’re willing accept this level of responsibility, choosing partnership with Spirit first and foremost, and to be fully accountable for your feelings, then anger can be used as a petri dish to examine the beliefs that underlie your feelings.
Fear is always the deepest feeling beneath anger. Whether your anger is about child abuse, animal rights, environmental devastation, political corruption, abuse of power, important personal relationships, or anything in-between, there is always fear about safety, rights, life, and survival.
You may encounter various feelings between the anger and the fear, and they are worth exploring. Those feelings could include outrage, shame, jealousy, oppression and much more. Out of the depths is the potential for personal healing and spiritual enlightenment, depending on how far you want to go.
The benefits of fair fighting are that you feel more intimacy, safer, stronger, and freer. This is good for you, your partner, and the world-at-large. People who feel safe promote harmony; they emanate good vibes. People who feel strong are capable of compassion and gentleness. They don’t view vulnerability as weakness and know how to maintain healthy boundaries.
Ideally, you have a partner who is willing to practice fair fighting skills with you. But even if you don’t, you can explore quite a bit on your own, using interactions with unsuspecting “partners” who don’t realize you’re practicing fair fighting tactics with them.
You are simply accessing your Integrity. If you feel inclined to try this, know that it is a spiritual discipline that invites your purest and most powerful qualities to emerge.
Begin by asking yourself what messages your anger holds for you. On the surface, you will encounter a story. Go deeper and find out more. Go beneath the facade and uncover your subtext. Tomorrow, I’ll share more about how to do that.
Is this making sense so far? If questions are coming up, or you have examples of how you’ve applied fair fighting, please reply to this email me and tell me.